Make Me Laugh (I dare you)

Discussion in 'General / Off-Topic' started by Agniratha, Jan 23, 2015.

  1. Agniratha

    Agniratha Time to tip the scales!
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    Post you're funniest Jokes you can find.

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of red, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

    Some hours later Holmes woke up, nudged his faithful friend and said, "Watson, I want you to look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars." Sherlock said, "And what does that tell you?"

    After a minute or so of pondering Watson said, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Metereologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day today. What does it tell you?"
    Holmes was silent for about 30 seconds and said, "Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!"
     
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  2. HeroofWinds1

    HeroofWinds1 "That Canadian"

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  3. Darkusaurus Rex

    Darkusaurus Rex Mother of Harpoon's Special Forces

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    Why did Sally fall off the swing?
    She had no arms.

    Knock Knock.
    Who's there?
    Not Sally.

    :^)
     
  4. RunningSpree

    RunningSpree Southern Arab Canadian.

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    Why did willy get hit by a bus?

    Because Sally was driving it.
     
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  5. Agniratha

    Agniratha Time to tip the scales!
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    Sally told me that she liked that, She want's you go give her a high five...Ohh wait...
     
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  6. Nimajin

    Nimajin Eoj's Own
    Advisor Universal Staff Donator

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    You're all horrible people.
     
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  7. Agniratha

    Agniratha Time to tip the scales!
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    haha, That's a good one.
     
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  8. Flamy27

    Flamy27 Truly Active

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    Clean Joke:I took a bath with bubbles. Dirty Joke: Bubbles is the girl next door.
     
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  9. Agniratha

    Agniratha Time to tip the scales!
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    [​IMG]
     
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  10. Flamy27

    Flamy27 Truly Active

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    Haha, I almost fell off my chair :3
     
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  11. festeringMongoose

    festeringMongoose Professional Procrastinator

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. RunningSpree

    RunningSpree Southern Arab Canadian.

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    How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?

    Depends how hard you throw them.
     
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  13. Horplamus

    Horplamus Healer

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    Those dead eyes...
     
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  14. Darkusaurus Rex

    Darkusaurus Rex Mother of Harpoon's Special Forces

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  15. Backseatsman

    Retired Staff

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    Noob's backpack
     
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  16. FlareStar

    FlareStar Truly Active
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    I made up a joke today actually! What do you call finding drugs on the ground?... POT LUCK
     
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  17. TheSmile

    TheSmile Paint me like one of your French girls

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    (A lot of reading :p)
    A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

    The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

    "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

    The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

    Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

    The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

    "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
     
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  18. Some Porcupine

    Some Porcupine Rage-Inducing Activity
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    Well since we are doing dead baby jokes...
    What's worse than an apple? An apple with a worm in it.
    What's worse than an apple with a worm in it? Half an apple with half a worm in it. (you ate the worm)
    What's worse than half an apple with half a worm in it? A dead baby.
    What's worse than a dead baby? A bucket of dead babies.
    What's worse than a bucket of dead babies? The one at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
    What's worse than a baby being alive at the bottom of a pile of dead babies? It has to eat it's way out.
    What's worse than a baby having to eat it's way out of a bucket of dead babies? By the time it gets out, it's autocannibalistic.
     
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  19. TheSmile

    TheSmile Paint me like one of your French girls

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    Host- "What's something you don't want other people knowing about your car"

    Contestant- "It hits people whenever im drunk"
     
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